🌹🎶 Inside Out
The brave turning of the inner rebel
Inside out reflections at South Norwood Lakes
Inside Out
It took some time and some work inside
To understand that as a rebellious outsider,
I could move freely inside of places without
Being trapped in the identity of an insider.
It took some time and some work inside
To understand that the songs of an outsider
Could dance with the voices hidden inside
People longing to get their insides out.
It took some time and some work inside
To understand that the heart of an outsider
Worn rebelliously outside on my sleeve could
Sing love and love song - outside in, inside out.
Children and young people with ‘special needs,’ were some of my earliest and greatest teachers. Years before mindfulness became a thing, these masters taught me how to become completely absorbed in the extraordinary significance of a twig and jump up and down with wonder at the wind whirling through trees. One young man sang with a heartfelt freedom beyond anything I’d ever experienced or witnessed in my musical education. I was truly humbled by the resilience of the child who patiently and painstakingly built the strength in her shaking arms to put her coat on her peg. I have never forgotten one tiny precious boy, confined in a tangle of wires and apparatus, without a word to protest the world’s unkind stares and labels, smiling with a pure, illuminated joy seemingly unknown to most people.
Working with these little people brought solace and encouragement to my inner rebel, permitting and provoking me to question prescribed realities. I learned to conduct conversations in abstract sounds, because, well, why not? - it had a certain edge on adult small talk. The work was endlessly humbling, touching and uplifting - no day was ever the same and no day ever went ‘to plan’, underlining the existential absurdity of attempting to into ‘curriculums’ designed by people who’d clearly never set foot in an SEN school. “You have to get used to a high degree of failure in this job,” one of the Teaching Assistants said, and indeed every day was a lesson in non-attachment to outcomes and welcoming all the wonderful, spontaneous, rebellious things that happened instead.
“The most subversive people are those who ask questions.”
― Jostein Gaarder, Sophie’s World
The permission to question is a powerful freedom. Any oppressive regime - be it political, cultural, religious or personal - will always shut down questioning. It’s one of the first things to go on the fire, along with books, which are always full of questions. Questioning is one of the greatest tools of rebellion because it proceeds from a creative curiosity to unpick the seams of the dominant narrative about what is ‘real’ or ‘true’. Doorways to greater understanding, both questions and books can open our minds to new narratives, just as travelling opens our eyes to different realities. When we claim the freedom to question, we claim the power to rebel and transform the status quo.
When we dig around in the roots of the word rebel we find two Latin words - re - back, anew, against, again, from the PIE root wert meaning turn, and bellum - war, possibly related to duellem meaning bravery or valour. So we could read rebellion as a brave (re)turning, closely related to that other word of transformative turning - revolution. I find this more empowering than the notion of fighting, which can yoke us to that which we resist. Whilst it can help us define what we are against, rebellion can also be powerfully motivated by what we wish to turn towards.
“The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.”
- Steve Jobs
Turning towards renewal and transformation, rebellion comes with the hope of efficacy - that change will be effected in the world. It can start as an internal, psychological process of questioning and overturning our conditioned notions of reality or be triggered by a crisis that turns our worlds inside out. It is also a vital response to oppressive socio-economic narratives and realities.
Taking a myriad of forms, the inside-out expression of rebellion can emerge in the depths of silent meditation or noisy marches. Whilst often associated with roaring warriors, moshing punks or placard-bearing protestors, rebellion can also be the simple, quiet determination to try again in the morning. Peace can be a powerfully subversive choice in a world of conflict, just as a splash of beauty, joy and colour can defy urban greys. Flexing our power to choose, think and act differently to established norms or conventions, rebellion takes us off the beaten track - whether taking a new route to work or boycotting a popular consumer brand. A polyphonic vocalist, rebellion roars, screams, shouts, sings, chants, speaks and whispers at the heart of our human experience. A digital and printed scribe, it populates petitions, essays, pamphlets, and manifestos. Written rebellion has resulted in the exile and murder of many authors, which is a poignant reminder that those who write without fearing for their lives do so from a privileged position of safety.
Words, songs and sounds are highly efficacious tools to connect our inside-out worlds. One well-placed loving word or sound can travel beyond social, cultural and psychological barriers, turning us towards our shared humanity. This understanding underlines my work singing with big and little people who may feel or be labelled ‘outsiders’ as they navigate challenging life circumstances. In settings such as hospitals, hospices and mental health groups, songs become magical creative containers of connection, allowing us to share our insides out safely together.
Having always felt 'on the outside’, owning my inner rebel and creative rebelliousness has transformed a sense of isolation and alienation into a site of strength. Sharing my own eccentric creativity and affirming that of others has brought me into deeply inspiring, nourishing forms of connection, contribution and service. I’ve been honoured to work and sing alongside amazing individuals and organisations doing their best to turn the world towards love, joy and kindness. It’s always deeply humbling, touching and uplifting - and yes, often things don’t go ‘to plan’ and many wonderful, spontaneous, rebellious things happen instead. And I always remember my little people teachers, who taught me to love and embrace the rebel inside and out.
Rebellious Rambling Prompts
* Who or what are your rebellious inspirations?
* When has following the call of your inner rebel made a difference?
* If you and your inner rebel spent a day together what would you do/ wear/ get up to? Where would you hang out and what secret rebellious dreams would come true?
With thanks to
whose Soul Circle prompt provoked this post
Thank you for this wonderful and very beautiful rambling, Katie. I love it.